That sounds like what happened to me….
In the past I would have thought it a superstitious coincidence, but my new perspective is that like attracts like. I was reading a text book about the importance of “accurate empathy” which “should not be confused with the meaning of ’empathy’ as identified with the person or as having had similar past experiences. Accurate empathy involves skillful reflective listening that clarifies and amplifies the person’s own experiencing and meaning without imposing the counselor’s own material.” Miler and Rollnick 2002
It was really great to read this, as one frustration I have had with my ICA classes is when a session is hijacked by someone recounting a story about themselves which doesn’t enhance the meaning of the lesson. i just switch off, and sometimes I find it difficult to re-engage with the session.
Only days after reading about accurate empathy, I received an email from a friend who has moved to the other side of Australia. We were discussing the difficulty of holding back opinions and suggestions, and she raised accurate empathy: ” The one that I also really try not to do, but I still do I know, is when someone is telling you of a problem and asks for advice directly, making sure that I don’t come back at them immediately with a similar story from my life. I find that really frustrating myself and never helpful.”
Proof of the theory !!! Now the trick is to remember…..
October 16, 2007 Posted by cmoreclearly | Blogroll | change, empathy, listening, motivation | Leave a comment
About
My name is Calli Brown, and I am a married, mid- 30s Australian woman. My interest in life is communicating with people. I have always been someone who asks whoever I’m with loads of questions about themselves, as I am fascinated about how we all form our view of the world. I suppose this curiosity about people is what lead me to journalism. I’ve been involved in the craft for over 15 years, starting as a 17 year old doing work experience at the local radio station. Most recently I have been a producer on a TV show which is not obsessed with celebrity, rarther has the lofty ideal of exposing what really is in the guest’s heart and mind, to inspire the rest of us.
However, over the past few years I found myslf feeling frustrated at the transitory nature of inspiring others through the small screen. I didn’t do anything about, it as it didn’t occur to me that I could. Then came the life changing experience of becoming a mother. Instead of narrowing my life, it was a revelation – making me realise there is so much opportunity in the world, we just have to find out what we want, and then have the confidence to back ourselves.
I’ve been pondering the oft heard and sincerely felt statement ‘I just want my children to be happy.’ Well I believe that they will have a greater opportunity of achiving that if I lead by example.
I have never had a driving ambition or passion for seeing my name in print or on the screen. What I loved the most was making connections with guests. But it is a relentless grind, and I started thinking about what i didnt want out of life. Now that I have a family, I don’t want to feel like I am compromising my time with them, I dont want to feel like I am always running late to work,or worse, running late to pick my children up from child care, and then be too busy and or tired to cooking the evening dinner. I knew that I wanted to avoid at all costs feeling frazzled and stressed.
I then flipped the question, starting to think of what conditions the ideal job would have: 1. I had to be able to make connections with people
2. I didn’t want to be in front of a computer all day (so that ruled out freelance writing) instead spending the majority of work time face-to-face.
3. I wanted to determine the hours I worked
4. I didnt want to be stuck in the twice daily commuter crawl into the city
5. I wanted to make sure I had the ability to drop into school for presentation days etc
6. I wanted to entrench myself in the local area so it could feel like a ‘home town’ in the city.
The next step was to think about what I had to offer people within those those parameters. I am always being told that I am a very positive person and I suppose because of that I am often sought out to be a sounding board. Suddenly it seemed obvious, and I couldnt believe I hadn’t thought of it before: I should become a qualified Life Coach.
I have started the course, and it feels so right. For the first time ever, I feel undiluted excitement about work. The plan is to get the majority of the course work done before I start to build my little business, but this blog is the first step.
Now that you know a little about me, my hope is that this blog will be a resource for people who want to feel more connected to the world, who are sick of being unhappy and are truly ready to do something about it. July 2007
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Mastering the art of living 