That sounds like what happened to me….

In the past I would have thought it a superstitious coincidence, but my new perspective is that like attracts like. I was reading a text book about the importance of “accurate empathy” which “should not be confused with the meaning of ’empathy’ as identified with the person or as having had similar past experiences. Accurate empathy involves skillful reflective listening that clarifies and amplifies the person’s own experiencing and meaning without imposing the counselor’s own material.” Miler and Rollnick 2002

It was really great to read this, as one frustration I have had with my ICA classes is when a session is hijacked by someone recounting a story about themselves which doesn’t enhance the meaning of the lesson. i just switch off, and sometimes I find it difficult to re-engage with the session.

Only days after reading about accurate empathy, I received an email from a friend who has moved to the other side of Australia. We were discussing the difficulty of holding back opinions and suggestions, and she raised accurate empathy: ” The one that I also really try not to do, but I still do I know, is when someone is telling you of a problem and asks for advice directly, making sure that I don’t come back at them immediately with a similar story from my life. I find that really frustrating myself and never helpful.”

Proof of the theory !!! Now the trick is to remember…..

From the Inside

We all need to feel good . I suppose that’s why genetics provides us with endorphins, and why James Brown sang about it. But many of us have lost touch with how to make ourselves happy,and look to others (like partners), or work, or possesseions to do the job for us. The International Coach Academy(ICA) topic Underlying Automatic Commitments gave me a window into the kinds of thoughts clients have about themselves, and how they are limiting themselves. UAC are the thoughts we have about ourselves that are so ingrained they are ‘automatic.’ They could be ‘i dont deserve to be happy’ ‘ I am stupid’ or ‘i am unlovable.’ Psychologists call them core beliefs. Armed with this new knowledge on UAC, I feel compelled to share the following excerpt with you. It is from an Opinion Piece published in the Sydney Morning Herald by Clive Hamilton who has written a book called Affluenza. This is what caught my attention: “Affluenza, and especially the boom in spending on so-called luxury goods, reflects not so much the growth in prosperity but the spread of the anxiety and self-doubt. One marketing executive put it bluntly: “Most people don’t have a sense of self-worth. Buying luxury goods makes us feel special and successful.”. Wow.
Reading that was like a revelation. It explained succinctly western society’s obsession with designer labels, and simultaneously reminded me that i have the power to change the way I feel about myself, (while saving money). Even better I will soon be qualified to help others do the same !
For those not familiar with the term affluenza, to paraphrase, it describes the paradox that at a time when more people than ever before are affluent, the numbers of people suffering from stress and depression are at a record high. The publicity blurb says: “The Western world is in the grip of a consumption binge that is unique in human history. We aspire to the lifestyles of the rich and famous at the cost of family, friends and personal fulfilment. Rates of stress, depression and obesity are up as we wrestle with the emptiness and endless disappointments of the consumer life. I think it sounds like a great read and am going to add it to my list!